23-27 Mar : Eileen is always on the lookout for something (see photo). I did not feel like writing my diary this week. Since the change of route due to last week news I just changed my routines and have been focused on the upcoming trip. I finally got a copy of the 12 March CT Scan report and can share it with you. I have developed appreciation in reading my reports. When you talk to the doctor things are just flying over your head and by the time the consultation is over I forget what I was told. Not this time. My memory did not fail me and my feelings are toward enjoying life. My appetite for things not on the list is growing and in Italy it will be completely unleashed. Yesterday I went to the Community Clinic for the usual injections (the 10th Dendritic Cell Vaccine and Vitamin B17) and my routine blood work (Haematology and Urinalysis are ready online). The Chemistry will be ready after our departure. My white cells are way up... my body is at work fighting. I did not have them this high since the Mexican hyperthermia. I am at peace and want to stay this way. I just don't want to hear the word "therapy" or "this is good for you"... etc. For this reason I just could not deal with the diary this week. I want my mind to be involved in other things (see photo... this week I was fully immersed in my computers). I feel that these months have taken too much out of me. I would like to keep doing the least possible (therapy wise)... but I will have to compromise with Eileen... she has hard problems letting go... and I can understand that... but still, I need the change. I also have updated the weekly program (Week 22, 23, 24 and 25). My morning weight is 67 kg. I have been quite stable on this weight for a few weeks now.

Mon 22 Mar : "Life with a Stoma"... The first month with the stoma is gone by. I have learned a lot during this month or I better say I have gone used it or close to it. Having passed from clear bags to no see through ones has helped. Now I have to see the stoma only during the bag change. In one month has shrinked quite a bit (see photo and compare with March 1, bottom of this page). The dark area is the inside of the colon. It is not a normal color... but don't worry it is not gangrene either. Must have been the detox teas that I have abused over the last few months. The bowel movement is getting more and more regular. I can still feel a sting when I pass feces. But this too is getting better. When I was looking at the last CT Scan I was able to see the bowel finding his way through the abdomen muscles. The sting is still due to the pressure applied to my abdomen muscle in order to pass feces. My new stoma base, 56 mm. (see photo), is much more acceptable. I think I have reached the smallest size it will ever be. The dark area contains the two openings of the colon loop. One goes to the rectum. The other is were the feces are coming out now. Feces are coming out very thin. The muscle pressure on the colon makes that happen. This far I have been very successful in keeping a good balance in the consistency of the feces. Although at times I have sensed in the bag hard pieces... but very rarely. Today was stoma base change. The first one on our own. I change the stoma base once a week. We did it ok. What concerns me in doing it more often is the impact of the glue on the skin. What I am talking about is irritating the skin... if that happens I am in deep... literally ;-)   The bags are now small enough to fit under my clothing... and underwear (see photo). The colour of the bag is also a plus as it blends with my skin color. To the bag you can also attach a belt for support and I find this very useful... and a peace of mind. In the right top corner of the bag there is the carbon filter that let your gas come out. This works most of the time... but when it gets wet from the inside for excess of moisture it doesn't work and you are in trouble. The bag is not very big and if the air is trapped it can go under pressure and loosen the glue of the base in contact with the skin. You can immagine what this means... you leak... I have to change the bag several times in a day... and carry a spare when I am going out. Visiting web sites I was pleasantly surprised to discovered that some top athletes have/had a stoma and still competed at top level. I, in my little, don't have this big expectations. All I need to do is to come to terms with it. And one step at the time I think I am getting there. My operation scar is doing very well. The incision was made on top of the 2000 one, but only up to the belly button. It has healed very well and very fast. Just to prove what I always like to say... "I am not sick, I only have cancer".

Sun 21 Mar : Another day at home... not much done today... but then again is Sunday...

Sat 20 Mar : Last night we went for a nice potluck supper at Lynne Harley's place. It was a nice get together with a lot of people, some of which, we had not seen for a while. The occasion ???   Roy will soon be 50 and he is off for a couple of months discovering China. We all have different ways to deal with the 50s crises ;-)     Then there was Brenda that is trying to catch up with Roy... with her 36th birthday coming soon, and she will be moving to the Cayman Islands. And it was also a Bridal Shower for Judy Drebit that is soon to be married. I was there to enjoy the company... and the food. Oh boy what a good selection of home cooked food. My renewed appetite was in paradise... two things in particular got my full attention... Roy's Sushi and Dennis and Rose's Curry Chicken... well I should not forget Brenda's Chocolate Cheese Cake... I think I gave you the idea of what kind of evening I had. There was even talk of the next get together for July 3rd. Well today I still have some of the good taste in my mouth. Loretta stopped to visit today and to offered me some energy healing and a good chat on my situation. Interesting experience.

Fri 19 Mar : I am typing away on my palm top as I wait for my turn at the Community Clinic ambulatory. It is Friday, the injection day. The 9th Dendritic Cell Vaccine and Vitamin B17. My veins are getting smaller with all this poking. They had enough too. I am getting more tense when it is time to receive the needles. Eileen is downtown running errands. She drove us downtown. This was her first driving experience under heavy snow. (see photo of our backyard in the flurry).
We are continuously reminded that we live in crazy Saskatchewan. The province were the weather is unpredictable. We are going to get an head start on spring. Our ticket for Milan is confirmed. We are off April 1... I am looking forward to take off. This is the new fase of my journey. Make the best of my time. I am still in a good mood and serene. I am very focused on my present and immediate future. This is very much me. My morning weight is 65 kg.

Thu 18 Mar : A quiet day in the house. I am in the middle of getting ready for Milan. The software fase. I have made computer setups all day. My evening weight is 67 kg.

Wed 17 Mar : Back on the treadmill and feeling a little stronger too. I did not push... although I was tempted. I have to be good for a week or so. For now the Stoma Bag did not feel that bad. But then again I am running very slow. I will wait to make comments on it. This is the next day to the news. I still feel the same way as yesterday. Serene and active toward our next trip. I have plenty of remote work to do in Milan before we leave and then we are off. Today I also have to see the accountant. I have all ready and need him to finish up everything before the end of month. My morning weight is 66.5 kg.

Tue 16 Mar : I did not run/walk this morning. I got busy with work early in the morning and I was waiting for a call from Dr. Randy Friesen. Around midday we got the call that he had a pause in his operating day and could see us to discuss the results of the latest CT Scan (the scan written report will be ready in a few days). We drove to the Victoria Hospital and met with him right away. We went strait to see the scan films and he started explaining the findings on the images. The colon tumor is substantially unchanged since the November scan. Then was the liver turn... more new findings. The last scan showed 6 tumors. This one showed 16. Some of the lungs were also scanned as a reference for the abdomen scan... and 2 small spots were visible on the lungs. This cancer just doesn't want to hear a stop. We have done so much over the last 5 months but still the cancer is proceeding on his path. I was very calm in hearing the news. I felt a new sense of serenity and tranquillity. Nothing could move me or shake me. I felt very much myself. My first words as reaction were more a statement of my feelings... "I am very happy with my life. A life well lived. Full of good times and bad times but still on balance a very happy one." My concern now is Eileen that is, at the moment, in a very delicate state. I can only balance her anxiety with my serenity. And I feel I have recuperated terrain in wanting to be happy and serene again. My desire is for us to have good time. We left the hospital to go and see Tom at CAA and get ready to book a flight... for the end of the month to Milan, Italy. It is time to get things in order and do things we wanted to do. Milan is business and also a place of good friends. It will be base for a few weeks as I deal with business things alternated with some Italy discovery. Eileen has not yet been in Italy. It is time to do it. Well, we are in a new fase. It is time to enjoy life !!!

Mon 15 Mar : After 3 weeks of walking on the treadmill I finally run this morning. What a great sensation. It was not planned. I just started moving in walking mode and my feet took over. It was a very slow run. Anyone could have passed me walking. But it was a run. My first one since the operation (this time only 3 weeks away, in 2000 I needed 4 week). Nothing has the effect of running on my body. My entire body vibrates... right to my finger tips. I feel a great sense of relaxation and happiness. They say it is endorphins effect... I don't care what it is. It is something that has made roots into me. We went to see Phyllis Stephens (the Stoma Nurse) for another change of the Stoma Base. The stoma has reduced again and I was able to fit the 56 mm. (last week was 70 mm. and the week before 100 mm.). The appearance of the stoma is healthy. I can feel the difference of the smaller base. I can bend without problems... and I can wear my pants and underwear much better. The bag is still of the same size and with the filter to release gas. I am getting to know my bag everyday a little better. I can't say I like it... I would not go that far... but I can move more comfortably with it.

Sun 14 Mar : I have my full breakfast (fruit, cereal and toast). I keep working on my network issues. I got some good days of full mental involvement into learning new things. Another lazy weekend. I did not do anymore than my treadmill walk in the morning. I had the largest bowl movement this morning. I needed a rush change of bag to let more come. The bag is still dragging me down. I feel somewhat handicapped.

Sat 13 Mar : In the typical way, after a down there is an up. I am doing a little better today. I got involved in studying some new network connection types... and feel really good about it. Dinner is Kamut whole grain Pasta with Basil sauce. We now have pasta one night a week in the menu !!!

Fri 12 Mar : In the morning I am at the Victoria Hospital for the CT Scan. I managed to collect the film of the scan and tried to see Dr. Randy Friesen to get some comments. Unfortunately he was tied up in the surgery room for an emergency. We will have to wait until next week to get the report. Then I am off to the Community Clinic for the usual injections. The 8th Dendritic Cell Vaccine and Vitamin B17. I feel really down. The nurse takes 3 attempt to find my vein for the IV. I feel like I have enough with everything.

Thu 11 Mar : This morning my weight is 65 kg... while last night before bed was 67 kg. There is this strange change of weight overnight of a couple of kilograms. I have recorded this now for a week and cannot really explain it. All the same I went into hospital at 63 kg. Yesterday I had a bag accident... I picked a defective one out of the box. I was wearing it and all the sudden I passed gas and had the impression that the gas made it out of the bag. I immediately checked and the seal against the skin was ok... but I saw the leakage in the material of the bag were it is welded to the plastic ring opening. Lets hope that this is an isolated accident. I need to carry a spare with me all the time. My travelling setup now on top of computer equipment has to include all the stoma appliance accessories. My morning appetite is incredible. I can almost eat anything on site... included in my program and not (Eileen is watching that I stick to the allowed food). I have to admit the great difficulty I now have to stick to the food program. We are both very tired. All we have been through in the last 5 months... and more to come. At times it is too much... and we feel drained. We are thinking of taking some days off at the end of next week. Tomorrow morning I have a new CT Scan (this will be the 3rd since we found the cancer: 8 Oct, 28 Nov and now 12 Mar). I am also seeing Dr. Randy Friesen for an after surgery checkup after the scan. The timing is right. We will be able to discuss the CT Scan result.

Wed 10 Mar : I have to get back on track in recording my therapy. After the week of the surgery (WEEK 20) and while still in the hospital I had restarted taking my supplements (WEEK 21). Now I am already in the middle of WEEK 22. Some pills have gone and new ones have replaced them. My total daily pill count is still in the 60s. Eileen, the crazy scientist, is still studying into new supplements. I, the lab rat, I am very tired of all this. I feel like stepping out and taking a break. This coming Friday is time for a new CT Scan that will let us know were we are. My morning weight is 65 kg.

Tue 9 Mar : My night was very gassy. I woke up at 8:00am and heard gas coming out the seal of the stoma base. I quickly checked the bag and it was full to the max. I am sure it was close to explosion. I released the bag to let the gas out and run in the bathroom to check the appliance. I had been lucky for over a week with limited gas in the night. Since today was stoma appliance change I dared the full shower experience. I used Saran wrap around my waist to protect from direct water my stoma appliance. I used tape at the top. Still water made it pass the barrier. I did not really enjoyed this first experience. But everything gets better with time... I hope. By morning end we went to the Victoria Hospital to see Phyllis Stephens (the Stoma Nurse). She replaced the stoma base with a smaller one. In just one week my stoma size has gone from 100 mm. to 70 mm. The new appliance size is much more comfortable. I can bend without pain. I have not tried too many stoma appliances yet... not as many as Jason Dale. For now I keep regarding as the more comfortable the Sur-Fit AutoLock by ConvaTec. The base has a nice and easy mechanism to release the bag that is easy to keep clean. Finally in the 7 cm size is available a disposable bag (the rinsing of the bag at every change is over - I have never watched this much stool in my life) with a gas filter. The gas filter will avoid making too much pressure in the bag and loosening the seal on the skin. Because of this the disposable bag is also smaller then the others and it fits much better. My evening weight is 67 kg.

Mon 8 Mar : Up early today as I have to go to the Community Clinic to take my stitches off. I have now my new routine for breakfast... a cocktail of fresh fruit (apple, orange, grapefruit), then organic cereal with soy milk (my beloved cereal are back)... then I am still hungry and I have a couple of slices of sprouted bread with a no sugar jam along with liquorice tea. My good morning appetite is back. Dr. Randy Friesen removed the stitches and all looks good, including the stoma, that has gone a lot smaller. I am typing away on my Palm organizer waiting for Eileen to be done with her hair cut. I am in next. Naturally an Evan's cut. Walking outside today is wonderful. The temperature is only -3 Celsius. It is almost summer !!! Just kidding. March can still offer plenty of surprises... and more snow. I am a little down this morning. My energy level is down too. Only my appetite was up. Tomorrow I have to see Phyllis Stephens (the Stoma Nurse) and hope that I can fit the more comfortable smaller stoma base/bag. The kind I am wearing has held ok since last Tuesday. It is just too big and there is not enough of me to wear it. My morning weight is 65 kg.

Sun 7 Mar : In the spirit of the weekend... another lazy day. I just deal with Milan related work. I find myself chewing all day. The scale says that I have gained 3 kg. (6 pounds) back. In other words I seem to be needing rest and food (and lots of both). In the evening I fill up the stoma bag twice. For a few days it has happened now, when I am having dinner... at the same time I am filling up the bag. It has taken a good week to see any stool coming from the stoma. Now everyday I get a little more. I still feel that I ingest more food then the feces that are coming out. I have a stinging pain associated with the passing of stool. It is like the bowel still needs time to heal. In the morning I still get some mucus coming from my anus. As I relax/push to let the mucus go I see feces coming from the stoma. So I see feces coming on their own as well as on my command. I am still waiting for some sort of normal cycle. My evening weight is 66 kg.

Sat 6 Mar : Finally Saturday at home. I don't feel like doing anything today... and don't !!!   I do my treadmill walk and that is about it. I cat nap and eat all day. The evening menu brings the loved pasta. Fusilli with Basil sauce... with a touch of "real" Parmesan on top. I use the scale to behave with the quantity... and regret it after eating the last piece of pasta. My morning weight is 66 kg.

Fri 5 Mar : I am pretty lazy this morning. I did enjoy in full the silence of our home. I have not figured out yet how to have a shower with the stoma bag. I just washed my hair kneeling next to the tub. I am back on the treadmill... but it will be only walking for a few weeks. My operation stitches will be taken out next Monday. In the afternoon we were at the Community Clinic for the usual injections. The 7th Dendritic Cell Vaccine and Vitamin B17. I did not stop in the hospital and had my 6th Dendritic Cell Vaccine administered last Friday. I was particularly sensitive today to needles. It doesn't get any better keeping getting needles. It was nice to be out in the afternoon... going for groceries without having to run for a toilet in every place. I did not see any stool in the bag until late tonight... I am still tender and have a little sting when I am passing. Eileen made a nice Halabut fish (Clayton's Alaska special reserve) and vegy dinner. I can really eat now... It is time to get some weight back.

Thu 4 Mar : Finally it is time to go home. Dr. Randy Friesen did sign our release form early in the morning. We drop everything by 8:00am and had breakfast at the Prince Albert Inn with an Aboriginal "Medicine Man" from Fort Q'uapelle. He will prepare a medicine made of Saskatchewan herbs and barks. I have tried so much this far. I am not going to stop now. By mid afternoon we were home. I have finally figured out how to deal with the stoma bags. Until I get the disposable ones I will replace the bag and wash it and hang it to dry. This way I can change the bag several times in a day. Last night the stool started to come... and kept coming all day. I had a great sense of release. Finally at home to enjoy dinner and a good movie.

Wed 3 Mar : I am always computing away (see photo)... that is something I can do in any situation and keeps my mind busy. There is always something new to learn... or something to fine tune. It surely has helped me a lot to get through tough times in my life. I am still waiting to see a proper stool coming from the new orefice. Dr. Randy Friesen did some checking today and confirmed that is open alright... all he could report is that my colon is still enlarged from the operation manipulation. I am hoping to get a bowel movement before tomorrow. It sounds like tomorrow is the day to go home... home sweet home. I am not sure for how long. Eileen is having some more Mexico ideas... as for me I am looking for some time off. Some relaxing time. I have to adjust to this bag business. As I write I have seen a little piece of stool appearing in the bag... lets hope is the beginning of a full one. I have passed a lot of gas over night and that is a good indicator. This is the 6th day of solid food... and food tastes so good !!!

Tue 2 Mar : I feel like an actor on stage... with all the flowers I received. A nice touch of colour to look at in the dull looking hospital room. No ugly pictures for you today. Just some flowers and naked feet (see photo). The Stoma Nurse was here this morning. She removed the "bridge" (a piece of plastic that was holding the Sigmoid Colon loop to the surface). Having done this should allow the Sigmoid to relax and loose the swelling. Eileen worked as assistant to Phyllis Stephens (RNE.T., Enterostomal Therapist, Ostomy & Wound Consultant) to replace the "wafer" (stoma base). We learned a little more about the process. My stoma is still too big for the more comfortable appliances available. I will need another couple of weeks to loose the swelling. In our little investigation we have discovered that we want a bag with a gas release valve and a plastic connector base/bag. Eileen has shared with me today more new findings. This time is the Hulda Regehr Clark program (www.drclark.com)... another demanding program (this time I can also add VERY demanding 21 days program). My appetite is very good. In fact I eat some of the hospital food (not everything is acceptable as many of you I am sure know) and what Eileen prepares for me at home (Wild Rice Salad, Vegy Soup and Broth, Organic Muffins, Organic Cereal with Soy Milk, etc.). I have been eating solid food now for 5 days but not sight of stool from my stoma. I pass gas alright. I don't have the sense of constipation but still nothing in sight. I hope some stool will show up soon to have us relaxed. We should be going home soon but we have not had any confirmation yet.

Mon 1 Mar : You can have a look at my stoma (this is a Greek word that means opening). It is a little different then a normal stoma since a loop of Sigmoid colon has been brought to the surface and a hole has been made in it to let the feces come out (see photo. The dark area is the opening). It is pretty swollen right now. They keep reassuring me that it will get smaller over time. The pay off for me is that I can finally eat solid food without worries. I keep getting more interested in understanding things. My good self has finally reacted to fight the sense of despair of the past days. Reading "Jason Dale's Website: Living with a Colostomy" has been of great inspiration and comfort. I had found this site before the operation but all I was looking for was a photo of a stoma and did not want to deal with the rest. Seeing a young person effected by chronic pains fighting to feel normal is wonderful. Yesterday I had more trouble with my stoma bag... and we decided to try a different one. This one has a secure lock for the bag that makes it easier to replace the bag.
The second photo shows the application of the stoma base; adhesive brown rubber with a white plastic flange that allows the bag to be connected too. I have to learn a lot about these appliances... and all the problems related to glue and skin care. I won't see the Stoma Nurse until tomorrow and I have so many questions as well as the need to know were to get this stuff. She works here only one or two days a week.